Do you ever find your self seeming to float through Limbo at times?  Luckily, I am not referring to a personal experience in my spiritual life.  However, it crossed my mind this evening when we were trying to decide what to do.  Sound familiar?  I was completely apathetic and even more frustrating, I was in complete emotional Limbo.  I did not know what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go: I could eat or I could sleep.  I could stay or I could go.  I could do something active or I could veg.  I could watch a movie or just talk.  Does anyone else find these moments extremely aggravating?!

It actually ended up being a very entertaining evening.  Naomi, Theresee, and I decided that we did not want to go out anywhere and spend money or decide where to go.  We wanted to read a play out loud together.  So, they happened to have a script of "The Wizard of Oz" and right as Joshua came home, we began.  The four of us proceeded to read the ENTIRE thing out loud and it was fabulous!  We were roaring with laughter at parts.  Theresee does the best Cowardly Lion impression that I have ever heard.  The script divides very nicely into 4 parts and it was a grand old time for 4 different dramatic personalities to take on.  Ah, good times.  Allendale, how I miss thee so at times. 

Preparations for the Variety Show are underway and I'm excited.  I'm helping head up all of the hair and make-up for all of the shows this weekend and it's gonna go great!  So, if you want to come or if you want to help me out, I would love it!  Hope y'all are doing well.  Ciao!

¡Hola!  So, things are starting to be a bit better around here.  A lot is going on in my life.  1.) Classes are going well.  I talked to teh director of the program the other day and apparently all the teachers did little evals of us, and I´m basically at the top across the board (it was weird for her to tell me that though).  Not surprising, but reassuring.  2.)  I found a good deal on a Spanish cell phone.  The rates are expensive, but it´s a good investment for teh following point.  3.)  I´m going to ITALY!  (for Spring Break)  I´ll be there March 22 - 31 and I´m traveling alone.  So, Lisa, lookin forward to seeing you and I´m also hoping to hook up with friends in Florence.  I really hope I´m able to, but just like here... I´m not going to let being alone take away from this once in a lifetime experience.  I´ll just make the best of it. (and it would be comforting to be traveling alone through Tuscany and Rome with a cell phone in case something happened and to be able to call ahead to make reservations, etc...)

I´m getting to know one of the girls here quite well.  Here name is Alicia and she´s actually here on a teachinginternship (she´s 26).  Finally I have someone who I feel is at the same level and mindset as I am while traveling over here.  Anyways, I´m happy and I´m hoping that I´ll continue getting to know her better over the next 2 months.  I´ve been here a month adn a half and I go back to MN 2 months from yesterday!  wow... tempus fugit!  I´ll be sad, happy, excited, and very curious when it comes time to retrun to the states.  Don´t know what the summer will look like as far as where I´m living, where the family will be, what´s going on with jobs, etc... all in good time i guess. 

Hope you´re all doing well and enjoy your spring breaks 8ifyou haen´t already).  ¡Ciao!

Solving this jigsaw puzzle and posting about this sweepstakes for Big Red makes me eligible for free Xanga Premium for life...

This is an e-mail that I just sent to people, but I figure I might get some good advice here too.  Woot woot... 2 big posts in 2 days!

Ok, last night I hit it... my breaking point.  Things have been building up for a while and I don´t know how much longer I can do this.  An explanation is in order, so here we go (this might be kinda long, a lot is going on).  As I have prev mentioned, it´s been a bit difficult getting to know the other students here for the main reason that I am the only one not living in the res hall.  I am left out of the planning, forgotten when they go out at night, not thought of when planning trips out of town, etc...  This past weekend was pretty hard becasue I found out Thurs night and Fri morning that all of the other US students were leaving town for the weekend, but whoops!  I was forgotten (understandable since it´s much eaiser to plan stuff with roommates, but that doesn´t make it any easier).  So, all the others went to Salamanca, Barcelona, or Cordova but I stayed in Toledo.  I ended up having a fun time on Sat hiking by myself for 7.5 hours... beautiful!  Anyways, I´ve also been kinda sick so I´ve been isolating myself a bit by staying at the apartment in the evenings trying to beat this thing (I finally am beginning to).  Anyways, I also don´t have a phone in the apartment (Soco has a cell that I´ve used a few times).  So, they can´t really call me.  Anyways, you get the picture.  So what happened last night?

I made plans to meet up with the girls at a bar with a live band at 10:30... I was there, they were not.  So, I waited for a while and then went to the res hall (very close by).  It was raining out, so I thought maybe they decided to stay in.  I don´t have a key so, I have to rely on getting the attention of others by having an open window or throwing small rocks at their windows  :)  So, I went last night and I could hear their voices in one of the rooms by the street, so I knew that they were there.  So, I start throwing (it usually only takes one rock and my aim has gotten pretty good)... nothing, even though I know that they heard it.  Then I notice another room with a light on and I see someone creep down and peek out the window.  I see them do it again a few minutes later, and then I see them go turn off their light and pretend like they aren´t there.  (who does that?!?!?!)  So, then I hear in the room above someone distinctly say "You guys, Karen is here, should we let her in?"  then a discussion began about me (that I couldn´t really hear) about what they wanted to do.  The laughter and talking continued and I threw a few more rocks and was there for about 10 min.  Then someone said "You guys, I think we should just go let her in."  to which there was the lovely response of "Why?!"  I stood there in the rain for about 30 seconds more in disgust, not knowing what to think and then I walked home.  That is inexcusable!!!!!  No one has any right to treat other people that way.  Why would you do something like that?!?!?!

So, I went home, explained to Soco (when wondering why I was back so soon) that the others just weren´t at the bar and I didn´t want to sit there alone.  I went in my room and started writing... I had decided a confrontation was both necessary and the most respectful thing that I could do.  Once I was finished writing what I was going to say, I got ready for bed and started crying.  Everything just came up and out of me, stuff that I didn´t even know was there.  All the stress, confusion, and everything else.  So, I laid there crying softly, too exhausted and overwhelmed to pull myself together, and I finally fell asleep. 

This morning I felt a bit better and got ready.  I don´t have class on Thurs, but they all do so I figured I would catch them at the end of their class.  So, I went, waited for about 5 minutes til the end of their class and then went in and asked them if I could talk to them because there was a problem.  (about half of them were there).  I told them that I´ve been having a hard time these past 3 weeks for the main reason that I don´t feel welcomed here by them.  I told them why I thought this was (the stuff above).  I told them that I was being completely sincere and that I wasn´t trying to pull the "I´m so misunderstood / No one understands me / So bitter and jaded" card.  I also mentioned that I had been thinking about getting a cell phone so they would be able to contact me, but I´m honestly not sure if that would fix things... I don´t know if they would call me even if they could.  And then I told them that I both saw and heard them last night (everything I said above).  They sat there and listened.  I told them that I was coming to them out of respect and that I wanted to talk to them directly about it, instead of keeping it all inside.  I talked for about 5 minutes (while keeping <relatively> composed)  :)  Afterwards I very briefly talked to a few of them about it and said that I had no idea what should be done and asked them to think about it.  It went relatively well... I wish a few more of them would have been there. 

So, there are 2 main reasons why I´m writing all of you.  1.)  I need your prayers more than ever.  This is most likely the hardest things I have ever gone through.  I can handle being in a different culture, I really do love it!  I could even handle being here alone, without knowing any one.  But, I cannot handle being isolated, talked about, and intentionally left out by everyone else.  I´ve found strengths that I didn´t know I had since being here, but I´m not that strong... and I don´t want to emotionally and mentally shut down.  That´s not me.  2.)  I don´t need or want your sympathy or your pity here.  What I need is help!!!  What the heck am I supposed to do?!?!  I need practical advice and ideas about how to make this better.  I don´t want to shut down everything that I have.  I don´t want to become someone that I´m not.  I don´t want to be a hardened shell of who I used to be.  Sometimes I feel dangerously close those last ones.  I need to figure out how to be Christ to these people.  That´s why I talked to them, it´s the most loving thing I could think of to do.  I feel lost... I know that I´m not alone (I never am) and I know that I am growing and learning in leaps and bounds.  But, this can´t continue the way it has been.  It will tear me up inside and I´ll only be a trace of who I once was by the time I come home. 

I need a friend. <sigh>  

amor eternada en Christo,
   ~ Karina

PS  Other than this stuff, everything is going really well (classes, speaking Spanish constantly, Socorro, etc...)  I´m still enjoying myself, but it´s hard.  Monday should be an interesting day, but I´m kinda glad that this is coming out before my birthday... new year, new start

Ok, so I really stink at updating ths thing, but honestly I just forget about it!  So, here I am in Spain and I´m loving it.  I´m living with a family (well a single woman actually) and it´s great.  She doesn´t speak any English so we always talk in Spanish.  Also, allof my classes and everything done with the program is done in Spanish.  We have a bunch of internatinal students (China, Japan, Germany, France, and Brazil) who don´t speak English so we HAVE to speak Spanish unless we wat to be rude.  :)  Prob the mst difficult thing here does have to do with teh living situation.  I am so glad that I spent the extra moeny to live witha  family, because honestly I´m learning a lot more and improving a lot more than the people living in dorms.  However, (as a big surprise to me) I am the only one living with a family! So, everyone else lives together in a dorm about a 10 min walk from my apartment.  Anyways, that situation could use your prayers b-c I´m havinga  bit of a hard time in teh "friend department".  They are all getting pretty close and tight knit, and it´s hard for me to work my way in there.  And, prob the thing I hate most is feeling out of the loop / unwelcomed / inviting myself in, etc...  I often feel like that over here.  So, any suggestions?  I could use anything that you´ve got.  It´s been a bit better thi week though.

So, Toledo is amazingly beautiful.  WOW!!!!!!!!!  I love walking throught eh old, narrow streets here, people watching, speaking Spanish, eating the food, and getting a constant work out!  Toledo is built on a series of hills that basically form a mountian.  It is surroudned by the River Tajo adn everything here is literally straight up hll or downhill.  And, since I´m frequently walking to the res hall or to meet up with the other students somewhere... I would guess that I walk 2 - 3 times as much as anyone else here (from the prog that it). I also do a lot fo exploring and walking on my own.  This past weekend everyone else had made pans to go out of town to various parts of Spain (that I was left out of since I don´t live with them... yeah, not cool).  So, on Sat I decided "Hey, there are a bunch of small mountains across the river. I´ll go hiking!  It´s something I like doing, I can "safely" do by myself (there were a few trecherous parts where I prob should´ve had someone spotting me, oh well), and it´ll be great!"  So, on Sat I left the library at about 10:30 am and returnedto my apartment between 5:30 and 6:00 pm.... whew!  I made it to about 8 diff peaks which I would divide into 3 mountains.  It was amazigly beautiful and I was really happy I decided to do it.  I was prob on the mountains for 5.5 hours... so I was making really good time. 

That´s another thing that I´ve noticed... I´m in better shap than I thought I was.  And it´s getting better all the time.  I´ll prob be in some of the best shape of my ife when I come back... and I think I´m actually losing weight (even though I don´t need or want to).  :)

Last thing... so I´ve been dying to go dancing since I´ve been here, but I´ve only been able to in my room.  :)  Last night I went to a salsa class at the university and it wasso much fun! I´ve never salsa danced before... (tango, SWING,waltz, polka, and cha-cha once... never salsa).  It´s great, i love it, and I picked it up very quickly.  So, I´m gonna keep going, learn more salsa and he said that he would teach us other latin aerican dances.  Yea!!! our teacher is from Mexico, but he learned most of the dances while living in Cuba.  So, every Tues night a little dancing!  Jeremy, brush off those "skills" b-c we´re gonna practice when I get back!  Weshould also go to the Tap once b4 you leave.  :)  Ok, gotta jet!  ¡Ciao!